National Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Day, October 15

My Christian and Grace, in their urns with candles lit for them on this day.

This is a day, we unfortunately recognize every year. I have two Glory Babies which entered Heaven before I did. My beautiful baby boy Christian Daniel was born March 10, 1998 and lived just over two hours. My precious baby girl Grace, was born February 27, 2008 and lived almost 1/2 hour.  They were diagnosed with Potters Syndrome. When my son passed away, I was told it was a fluke and it would never happen again. It did... 10 years later with my daughter.

I found out my son was "incompatible" with life in my 9th month, about a week before his birth. They told me he would die shortly after birth - I did not have amniotic fluid and his lungs did not develop. I begged God to let my son live long enough for us to look into his eyes and tell him that we love him and would see him soon. My son lived over 2 hours. He stared at us... his eyes were trying to tell us something, something much deeper, comforting us. We held him every precious second until Jesus came and took him home. I prayed the same thing for Grace when I found out in my 4th month that she too had the same thing Christian did. I wanted her to live long enough to hear our voices, feel our arms on her body and know that she was deeply loved. She came into the world crying and breathing on her own for just a little while. She unfortunately never opened her eyes, but she was alive and could hear our words to her. From what I've been told, about 95% of Potters babies are still born. We were blessed with living babies we were able to bond with, create memories with and pour our love on.

They lived their entire lives in our arms. We listened as their little heartbeats slowly weakened and got further and further apart until the next beat.  .  .  .  .  .  .  didn't come.  It's hard to imagine a person living through such a painful loss, watching as your baby you waited so long for slips away right before your eyes ...and then being able to continue on. Especially, having to endure it twice. Only with Jesus and the promise that we will be together again make it even remotely possible. Life is never the same. A huge pit in your soul cannot be filled with anything. I searched, I moved and moved again, I bought things, I bought more things, I adopted many cats and dogs, I dived into different crafts (never really completing anything), I tried so many different avenues to try and fill that something missing in my life. I finally realized it's nothing that I can do, buy or change. It's only possible to believe. To believe in the promise from our God that He has a plan, and a reason and it will be for our good and their good. They are being raised in a better place - they have Heaven before we do. I look forward to holding my babies in my arms again, to smell their skin, to look again into their eyes and listen to the voices I so long to hear.

Not a moment goes by that my glory babies are not with me, are not thought about and greatly missed.

Every year, October 15th, we write love notes on balloons and release them to the Heavens. We light candles with all the other parents who are grieving for their babies across the world. We create a "wave of light" and hopefully our glory babies will look down and see the shimmery lit earth shining in their memory and know that they are dearly loved and so greatly missed.

My secret

Ok... I have a confession to make. I admit, this is not one of my best qualities and it drives my husband crazy. I am I M P A T I E N T... there, I said it.  I am one of those people who needs instant gratification. Yep, if I'm working on a project, say as in painting a piece of furniture, I just want it painted and in place and done. My husband on the other hand takes the piece outside, puts it on a drop cloth, takes it apart, fills in the cracks, sands it... etc, etc., augh! "Oh Gosh Andy!!! It's never going to get done"!!!! (I say).

If I'm working on a craft... it needs to be something I can complete with in a few hours or at least by the end of the day, or forget it. 

So, here is my example. I found this wonderful old dresser at a garage sale for only $10. A little later at a different sale there was this wonderful little shelf unit that sits on a dresser for free.... I'm not quite sure why nobody wanted it. I knew it would fit perfect on the dresser I just scored. The 2 pieces have been sitting in my living room waiting for me to decide what color it was going to be. I struggled between country blue, red or green. Then I had to decide what shade of one of those colors.

I realized after I started painting that I forgot the before picture

I decided today on green. Went to Walmart and found a really cute green from Better Homes and Gardens called Green Stalk. LOVE the new colors they have! If you haven't seen there new colors go check them out. Such fun fall colors. Came home... found my brush, opened the can and started to paint. Didn't move it from its place or take the drawers out... I just wanted to see the color on a little bit (I said to myself). That turned into everything from the shelf onto the floor and painting to get it done. I used my blow dryer in between the coats because I couldn't wait for it to dry on it's own. And in no time had 3 coats on. Wow, in less than 2 hours :)

The green is not quite what I originally had in mind. But I instantly fell in love with this color. I adore this green. It's perfect. In fact I love it so much that I'm going to move it to the other side of the living room where you can really see it and I'm not going to put the books and dvds back on it...it's too cute for that now. 

Here is a picture of the 2 pieces married together by this wonderful green. I rubbed some antiquing on, (still need to rub some off) and I love it. It still needs a touch up here and there. If you are looking for a new green or a color for a piece you have, check this green out. It's deeper in person than in my photo.

So there, you know my little secret. It's done (pretty quickly) and I am happy  :)

A Fun Garage Sale

Have you ever gone to the same garage sale more than once? Like, they have the coolest stuff for sale and after you've left you think about something you wish you had bought and then go back for it? Or, you're just sure that if you look one more time you will find something you missed the first time. Well, I hit one of "those" garage sales yesterday, and (ahem) twice today.

Not only did they have really cool vintage items, but they were the nicest couple! The kind of people you meet and instantly take a liking too.

At this sale I found something I have always wanted. A vintage Aluminum Christmas tree with the rotating color wheel. She had one and gave me a super deal on it. You'll have to wait until Christmas to see it ;)

Look at that jolly face!

I just love vintage Christmas decorations and one of my favorite collections is old Santa's. She had 4 vintage Santa's.... look at them, aren't they adorable. They will fit in nicely with the rest of my guys. I love them so much I just don't have the heart to pack them away... so my delightful new guys will just have to hang out with the pumpkins and goblins in the living room for the next couple of months ;)

Look at these awesome lights!!! She had two sets of them sitting on the the table with the other Christmas stuff, lit up and beautiful... they were only $3 each. I could not believe that they were still sitting there, but I am so glad no one else saw the beauty in them that I did. They are mine now :) Sitting on my mantel and the other on Emma's piano. Love them!

Yes, yes... I came home with yet another chair. It has the cutest stencil on the back. I'll find some vintage red fabric to recover the seat.

Loved this little shelf

I also bought this really cute mirror. I just love the metal rod on the bottom to hang a few cute linens. Also picked up a cool vintage chalk board, beautiful vintage linens and vintage bed spreads for my daughters vintage bedroom. After I paid for my items she mentioned to me that the next day all items would be reduced to 50% off.

Half off! I'm there! I wanted this adorable pink lamp very bad.... when she mentioned it going half off... I got up early the next morning just for that lamp. It was still there for me, yay! Some of the trim was hanging off the lampshade, but I LOVED that shade, it's perfect for the lamp. I warmed up my hot glue gun and glued it back in place, it's just perfect again.

Bought this great chest too. I loved it! Didn't know where I was going to put it but knew I'd find a place for it and I did. Put my coffee table on freecycle and my cool chest has a new home as a coffee table. It is the perfect place to put all of our board games!

The really nice garage sale lady and I chatted about my son Drew being the 50's collector and I mentioned to her that his birthday was tomorrow. She ran in to her house a came out with a gift for him. Look at this cool idea... It's the front of an old tv and made into a frame. Very cool and those of you who know Drew know how much he loves vintage tvs and stereos. He wanted to go to the garage sale too when he saw what I came home with.... he wanted to thank her for the gift and also show them his car.  Hence, my 3rd trip to the sale.  Yes, we came home with even more treasures and Drew found some neat things to put away for his future house.

You all know I have a weakness for enamelware. I found this incredible canner/soup pot at a sale on Friday. It's in perfect shape and still has the original sticker on it. I was so excited to find it and to only pay $10 for it, yay! Was a good weekend for vintage goodness :) 

Drew and I truly enjoyed meeting you garage sale couple in Rathdrum. I wish I had asked your names.... but I guess I was just in awe with all the treasures you had. Thanks also for taking the time to show Drew your old cars. They were very cool and he really appreciated it.

Rusty Fenders

I took Drew to Pegasus today. This is a local salvage yard that he had sold his very first car, a 1959 Mercury Commuter Station Wagon, to. It's been a few years since he had decided to let it go and he wanted to see it again. It is by far the coolest station wagon ever made. He and I had big hopes and dreams of restoring this beautiful piece of the past. However, we found that it was way too far gone as far as the rust and since it was so rare, was hard to find the parts for restoration (a learning process for us on what is restorable and what is not). 

I actually enjoy walking around the junk yards and looking at all the rusty antique cars. I see so much beauty in them... all rusty but still holding within themselves the memories of the families they once carried around. I look inside and imagine the children being taken to school, families going on vacation, mommy's being rushed to the hospital before baby comes, daddy's pulling up into the driveway and mommy coming to the door wiping her hands on her apron and waiting to kiss her husband hello.....  they came from an era when dinners were all homemade and on the table by 5pm. Life was slow and enjoyed.

I love the designs of the vintage and antique cars so much more than what they make today.

We found Drew's Commuter.... he had a very hard time seeing her in the condition she was in now. The weather had taken a toll on her and nobody had showed interest in trying to restore her. She was much more rusty, losing her color and very dirty..... It was sad to see her sitting there, alone. She sat for sooo long on my driveway and greeted us each time we arrived home.

Goodbye, once again dear Commuter. I do hope somebody comes along and see's the beauty you still hold and brings you back to what you deserve.

Old Cars and Jam

The weather calling for severe thunderstorms... I love thunderstorms!!! Kansas had the best violent storms and I miss, miss, miss them. It was quite warm and muggy outside but was perfect weather for an old car show and some strawberry/raspberry and fresh veggie pickin with the kids. 

Drew really wanted to show his car this year but his water pump did not arrive in time. Can't wait for the next show and to see him sit proudly next to his '59 and chat with other old car enthusiasts....

After the show we went to Carver Farms. A wonderful family owned u-pick farm with the nicest people and wonderful fresh goodies. Today we picked, strawberries, raspberries, cucumbers (for pickles), green beans and cantaloupe.

With the help of these little ladies we made strawberry and raspberry freezer jam. It's easy, fast and very yummy.

Kombucha withdrawls

Are any of you suffering from the latest ridiculous recall of GT's Kombucha??? Well, I am. I miss it so much. I've never missed anything this much. Not even Reese's Peanut Butter Cups (my used to be most favorite candy ever) until I developed an allergy to peanuts. I made it through the lack of peanut's and peanut butter/jelly sandwiches in my diet, however.... the vinegary goodness, that burst of flavor... Trilogy, Gingerberry, Strawberry, augh! I'm having a very hard time not drinking it daily. Something huge in my day is just lost :(

So what to do??? Make my own! I know it will not compare to GT's. But, I'm hoping it will get me through the days until it returns to my favorite store and back on the shelves that I know so well. All those beautiful bottles lined up perfectly, the pretty colors and flavors.

The vision of a fridge stocked with Komucha compares to a beautifully decorated, lighted up Christmas tree to me.

Here is my scoby and sweet tea. I made it yesterday. In 9 more days it will be fermented and ready. Then I'll pour it into bottles with pressed fresh Ginger and let it sit another 5 days.... It will seem like forever, but I know will be worth the wait.

Do any of you make your own Kombucha? What flavors do you add?

Camping

We took a short break and took the kids and a couple of their friends camping last weekend. We've gone the last few years to Fernan. We have our favorite location which sits right next to the river and is surrounded by tall, beautiful trees.

This is one of my favorite views... the canopy of trees above us. I could sit back in a lounge chair all day and get lost in these trees.

My honey and I were sitting at this campfire, speechless, staring, quiet and completely immobile. I realized that I was at complete peace. A feeling I've not felt in.... almost forever. Nothing was on my mind, I had nothing (nothing!) to do, no chores, no dishes, no schooling, laundry, toys to pick up, email to check, no phone ringing off the hook... I looked at my husband and told him how strange I felt to not be doing something.  It was strange to me to feel peace, not a care in the world, not a thought in my head and it felt weird. I realized how sad it was to not have more moments like this.

We had a beautiful and peaceful weekend. Thankful to God for the beauty He created and the family and friends he's blessed my life with.

We returned home, opened the camper to find that the dog was car sick, threw up (alot) and our sewage backed up (why?) who knows! toilet overflowed everywhere.... hmmmm back home, back to reality :)